I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
