the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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