First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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