if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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