If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
