I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
