Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
