do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
