I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
