so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
