i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
