Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
