were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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