I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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