arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
