I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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