I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
last night I used snow as a chaser
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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