So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So many bounce houses so little time
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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