guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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