You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh god it's open bar.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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