my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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