It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
