The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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