your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
