No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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