We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
