At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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