I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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