if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
