it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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