Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
