So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
