I feel like abortions should bother me more
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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