Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
