i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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