you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
