shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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