i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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