none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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