You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
