just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
