Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
