Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
