Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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