There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Randomize