I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
