elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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