I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You're like the curious george of whores
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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