Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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