3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
