Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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