there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
