So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think your dad took our porno
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
