Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
