u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
