My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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