If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
