Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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