can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
