dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
