I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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