The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize