I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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