My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
