sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
