Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
