i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
