So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
