ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
