So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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