So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
