Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
