you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
