Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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