Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
