Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
