just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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