just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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