She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
