rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize