ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
