At least make sure they are 18
Why
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
