my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
