Is it normal to miss your booty call?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
