dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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