that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
