We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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