I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
