But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize