you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
