You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
