I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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