i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
