I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
