don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
