I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
