i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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