is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
