I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize