Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
