someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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