Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
