Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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