my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
