He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
