We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
