Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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