don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
