Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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