Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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