He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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