I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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