I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
