so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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