So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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