my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
