Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
